Avoid Repeating Your Worst Job Experiences

Hello and welcome to this week’s episode of the podcast!

I hope you are enjoying your September. This is one of my favorite months.

I really enjoy fall and all the fall activities like apple picking and the weather is usually pretty nice…but let’s be real…it’s also my birthday in September! Ellen’s birthday is the same week as me too so it’s always a big celebration in our house.

The kids are in school again and I can’t believe how much mine have grown. I have a Freshman and a Senior now. It really is a blink in how fast they grow.

Let’s dig into today’s topic, shall we?

Today we are going to talk about how to stop the problems you’ve had in your career from happening again.

Whether it’s a horrible work culture, a bad boss, a time you spent sucked your life away, stakeholders who intimidated you, endless meetings where you never have time to get work done, overworking…whatever it is.

There is something you can learn from it.

I was talking with a client recently and she was telling me about one of her past jobs that kind of haunts her. She had new leadership come in that seemed to gang up on her, make her doubt her capabilities and expertise, and she felt intimidated at times.

This isn’t that uncommon. I’ve heard from many clients who have had work experiences that actually prevent them from advancing their career, not because of what others did but because of the lasting impression it made.

One of my clients had a terrible boss and then moved to a new company where she loves her boss, but she wanted a new role and to change departments but she was hesitant to make the move because she was scared she’d have a bad boss again or even just not have as good of a boss as she had then. She experienced what work was like when she had a terrible boss that it was almost worth it to her to stay put and not advance her career.

This is actually partly why she reached out to me for coaching.

So, this experience of having terrible work experiences can leave you feeling stuck or just this fear of that situation reocurring.

I asked a recent client if there is anything she’d do differently in the experience she had.

She said she has been racking her brain and thinking about it but not sure. She even got feedback from another leader that although she could improve her confidence, it really was them and not her. It was a personal attack almost.

So for you, you might have experienced something like this too.

Where you had a bad experience, you know what you don’t want because of these bad experiences.

And if you’re like my clients, you are probably also wanting to grow and develop and be sure you learn from your experiences and don’t repeat any mistakes.

I want to share with you what I share with some of my clients when they tell me about their terrible career experiences.

You can use this for yourself to reflect on a bad experience you have had, whether it’s a crappy stakeholder, a project that didn’t go well, a relationship or boss issue, a meeting that flopped, or just an overall role you had that you didn’t like.

First, I ask this:

Is there anything you would have done differently?

Really spend some time on that question. Is there a conversation you would have had differently, a way you addressed a problem you could have done differently, and so on.

I would make a list of everything you can think of.

Then when you have that list you can ask yourself, what was in my control? Where did I contribute to the problem?

You can use the list of things you would have done differently to continue your brainstorming or maybe this will bring up new or different ways.

I’ve had clients for months or years not know what they could have done differently.

And when you don’t know what you could have done differently, you are at risk of it happening again.

When you know what you could have done, you will prevent it or worst case, know how to solve for it and what you will do next time.

It puts you back in the driver’s seat.

After her first response being “I don’t know” with some coaching and working through these and other questions she discovered that although these leaders were pretty terrible there were 3 things she could have done differently that would have gotten a different oucome.

1. Have established boundaries – knowing what it is that she would tolerate, the hours she would work and so on.
2. Have clear expectations – it’s common to have assumptions on what people need or want from you – but having direct and transparent conversations early can help you be more effective and save yourself from a lot of stress.
3. Manage her stakeholder relationships differently so she felt confident to advocate for herself and speak up in group meetings.

These are 3 very tangible ways she can now learn from that experience.

It also helps her know what she wants to proactively work on going into her new role.

She knows because she spent the time reflecting on this the importance of boundaries, clear expectations and managing difficult stakeholders.

Now we can have a plan that addresses these issues ahead of time, which will prevent the same problems from reoccurring.

Pretty cool, huh?

Because the alternative is to not know and not grow.

So think about a recent bad work experience you had and ask yourself is there anything you could have done differently and what was in your control, where did you contribute?

See what comes up, what comes to mind for you.

Then you have a growth plan right there, Immediate answers and what you can develop in for next time.

Now here is a bonus – you can even use this approach to replicate things that you did well that you want to occur again.

So instead of thinking of a job or experience that was problematic, think about a job or experience that you loved, that you felt like you were in your zone of genius and energized.

Now ask yourself:

What did you do that contributed to that experience?

How did you approach your work?

What did you love about that role or experience?

This can also tell you what you want more of, what you want to replicate in a future role, and also show you gaps of how you’re working now that are causing problems.

If you were let’s say, going into a project believing everyone had the best intentions and enjoying your team, and now you’re dreading the project and the team, that is going to impact your enjoying – so how can you change that?

If you loved your boss because you felt personally connected to her? How can you feel more connected to your current boss?

It’s like a mini data study on yourself.

Getting you out of thinking about things as good or bad but taking time to reflect what made them good or bad so you can learn and grow from them. Eliminating the problems and bring more joy to your career.

Alright, give this a try – let me know how it goes for you – you can always send me a message over on LinkedIn.

Have an amazing week.