Mistakes You Make When You Don’t Like Your Job

Welcome to Navigating Your Career, the only podcast that blends personal development, professional skills and psychology to help you get happy at work and live the life you want. If you want to stop feeling stuck and start feeling better, this is the place for you. I’m your host, Melissa Lawrence.

Let’s get started.

Hello and welcome to this week’s episode of the podcast. I’m so happy to be here with you today. I really am. And I hope that you are all enjoying your summer. We spent some time visiting family in Wisconsin and it was so wonderful to get the cousins together after about two years of not seeing each other. And it was so interesting because this was the first time that I saw some of my family since I started my coaching business several times. Some of my family and my wife were talking about pain points and their jobs and struggles, and they’re all things that I definitely used to face, that my clients face, and is so common to talk about when you get working people, professionals together. And this was the first time I couldn’t really contribute by also having some of those same struggles. The last time I saw a lot of them, I wasn’t happy in my corporate life. I was trying to build the courage to start my business and go full time doing what I love.

And now that I have that, I don’t have a boss to complain about unless I want to complain about myself or a tedious political issue to navigate. So instead, I did get to do something really cool and that was to help my nephew get a new job. He had just finished high school in the last couple of weeks and was looking for a new full time job. And it was really neat to help him through the interview process, build up his confidence to have in-person conversations on the spot, to help him negotiate his salary and all that good stuff.

And he got the job within twenty four hours while I was there visiting. How cool is that? So it was so unexpected, but also so fun. So I hope that you are all enjoying your summer. I hope that you are doing things that you love, that you are seeing your family if that is important to you, if you’re spending time on yourself and are just enjoying your life as much as possible. OK, so I know that you might be questioning if your job is a good fit, but you don’t think that it’s terrible and so you try to just stick it out.

Right? And that is what we’re going to talk about today, is some mistakes that happen when you don’t really like your job. So you’re there. You aren’t sure if it will be better if you go somewhere else, you make a good salary, you have good benefits. And that’s important, too. I totally get it. So you might be wondering if it’s even worth the risk to consider changing jobs so you stay put, at least for now.

And I want to talk about mistakes that you could be making when you’re in this position. You’re deciding it’s good enough for now. And that is totally OK. Sometimes that is the decision that you need to make because of your family, because of finances, because of the industry. There could be a number of reasons why it may not be feasible for you to leave, which is different from holding yourself back when you really want to leave. So those are two different things.

But for today. You’re deciding that there is a logical, practical reason that it is good enough for you to stay right now where you are, but you could be sabotaging yourself and your growth and your career potential in your future without even realizing it. So let’s break down these ways that you might be kind of sabotaging yourself at work because you don’t like your job, but you’re deciding to stay there and so you can identify these and if you’re guilty of them, it’s totally normal, totally human.

These are common mistakes, but you can be aware of them and nip it in the bud so you can get back on track and you can continue to accelerate and grow your career the way that you want to, even if you’re choosing to kind of stay in a place that doesn’t make you happy for the short term or for the time being. So, number one, the first mistake is you blame the company. Now, what I mean by this is sometimes when we settle, we can build resentment.

And when you build resentment, you can start thinking things like this job is lucky to have me, or my average is better than most, or I could leave any minute if they don’t treat me right. I know I definitely had those thoughts when I was in this situation as well where you just kind of feel a little bit like you’re talented, you’re a high performer, you give so much. And if you’re not feeling valued or appreciated, if you’re not liking what you’re doing, it can be easy to kind of have these thoughts around, you know, just looking for that reason to push you over the edge to leave or to look for that reason to kind of check out.

So when you’re thinking things like that, because you’re giving up something that you really want, as in a career that you actually love, you inadvertently shift your attitude and almost blame your boss or company or team for not being what you want it to be. And how do you think that you’re feeling when you’re thinking those things? You’re probably angry and ashamed and anxious, maybe sad. And when you’re feeling that way, I guarantee that the way that you’re showing up at work, the way that you’re interacting with people, the energy that you have is going to be different.

And at least it’s not going to be the way that it would be if you weren’t having these deep thoughts of resentment,. You might think you’re hiding these thoughts and that you’re always professional and you do your best. But I guarantee it’s actually scientifically proven that your thoughts impact your behavior. So if you decide you want to stay, really come to peace with that decision, that right now is what you decided is best for you and you have to own that.

Some thoughts that you can try are this is the best decision for me right now or the better I do while I’m here, the more successful I will be down the road. You have to find something that you’re willing to believe, that is true for you right now, because if you try to go all the way to the opposite end to something like I love my job, your brain is just totally gonna reject you. That thought, it’s going to be like, no, that’s not true.

We don’t like our job and here are all the reasons why. So you have to come up with something that you’re really going to be able to believe and be happy with while you’re kind of in this position where you’re staying someplace you don’t want to be, at least for now. OK, let’s move on to number two. So the first one was you blame the company, the second one is you blame your partner or family. And this one is a lot like the first one, but instead of blaming the company or your colleagues for your decision to stay in a job you don’t like, you blame your partner or family.

If it is your partner who doesn’t support you changing jobs or family reasons why you feel you need to stay and not try to figure out what you actually want. But again, this is your decision. You don’t want to punish your partner and family for your choice because you love them. Right? And honestly, they don’t deserve it. You might be thinking that it’s actually a fact that your partner prohibits you from leaving or spending money on your development to figure out how to leave or what you really want, because you have other indicators like health insurance or other things that are keeping you there, or maybe your partner thinks it just makes sense for you to stay. And that could be true. But it’s still your decision. And that might be hard to hear. I was in a situation years ago.

So, for those of you that aren’t loyally listening to every single episode of this podcast, I mentioned in a podcast a while ago that I’ve wanted to have my own business. I felt this calling to have my own business to consult in some way for as long as I can remember. The earliest memory I have of it is when I was about 19 or 20 years old. And my first idea for a business actually has some crossover to what I do now, but it’s different.

And that was event planning, being like a bridal planner, helping people kind of realize their dream and me helping facilitate that happen. Right? So it’s not that much different from what I do with coaching, but that’s something that I was interested in at the time. But I was with someone and was married very young, and the person that I was married to at the time just didn’t support that dream, didn’t think it was logical because, it was no fault of his own, but we grew up with stability and security being number one, with having these traditional nine to five hourly shift type jobs where it was a luxury to love your job and you should feel lucky to have health insurance and benefits and a decent salary and able to take care of your family. And those things are wonderful benefits and wonderful things to have. And I don’t mean to discount them at all, but that isn’t all there is to life. And at that time, we didn’t have examples of successful entrepreneurs.

We didn’t have people that kind of went off on their own that we could say, look, they did it and that was great. Or, look, they went on the different path than what we’re all raised to do, whether it’s entrepreneurship or changing industries or even just asking yourself these questions, right? So I totally understand what it’s like to be in that position where your partner doesn’t really support you wanting to do something different or your family might look down upon it.

But at the end of the day, it is still your decision, just like it was mine. So even though I had the pressures, I didn’t have the support. At the end of the day, I’m my own person and I was a grown woman at 19 or 20 years old. And I made the decision to listen to those voices and to not push harder and to not say, “no, I can make this work,” or not be willing to do things kind of on the side to help make it work with a side income or starting small.

So I decided that was just a pipe dream and not for me and not for everyone. I put it on the back burner and those themes kept reoccurring throughout my life where different opportunities were coming up. The challenges I was facing, the problems I like to solve, all lended themselves really well to where I am now. But I kept resisting it. I kept resisting that voice and that was my choice. You can look at all the psychology behind it.

I’m not saying it’s not reasonable that I made that choice or that I didn’t have the pressures or that it just wasn’t a decision that made sense at the time. But the point is, is that it was my choice. Just like if this is true for you, this is also your choice. You’re deciding what is best for you, for your family and for your career. And your partner isn’t responsible for your career. And your children aren’t responsible for making your decisions here either.

This is really something that you’re deciding. And it doesn’t mean it isn’t the best decision to stay where you are right now, like I said, but that’s your decision and you have to own it. You’ll have a much better home life if you do. If you really don’t agree with the decision and you’re just succumbing to it, then it’s time to revisit it. And sometimes we need to advocate at home just as much as we need to at work and if not more for what we really want.

And sometimes that means making our partners mad because they don’t understand what we need. But we can do our best to show them and help them understand. Either way, though, it’s your decision. All right, number three, you stop caring. So you’re staying at your job, but you don’t like it, so you decide you’re just going to give it what you can and nothing more, and by what you can, it’s what you feel like that day.

You probably have days that are great, days that are not so great. And this is not going to get you ahead. This is going to sabotage you and leave you with less references and advocates down the road, whether you choose to stay and need people to advocate for your promotion or you choose to leave and you’re looking for references. And also, this is kind of a betrayal to you. You are better than that. And you know what you are capable of. When you silence yourself, stop challenging yourself, you are really the one that suffers. It kind of feels like a dig toward the company, but it’s really a dig at you. You’re not only hurting yourself and your growth and your future opportunities, but you’re hurting the trajectory of your future by phoning it in. And I don’t say that to be dramatic about it. I’m just saying what you’re doing now, how you’re showing up, people are going to remember and they could have the story of, “Oh, yeah, that person was amazing and great to work with, but something happened in the last year and I’m not sure they kind of like fell off track.”

And that could be the impression you leave when you ultimately decide to move on or you could leave the impression of someone that is consistently amazing. And so you help prevent that kind of negative impression by not letting this mistake getting the best of you. So if you’re going to stay remember why you joined to begin with, connect with how you make a difference, what impact you make, the parts of the job that you do enjoy, whatever you need to really help keep you on track and motivated to live within your own integrity.

And you will feel so much better doing this as well. OK, the fourth mistake is going back to school or getting a certification. OK, this is a big one. You might think if you’re going to stay, you might as well just use that tuition reimbursement benefit, get another degree, pad your resume. Look at what certifications are hot right now. No. Do not do that. Education is amazing and you should definitely pursue what you love.

But if you’re doing it to fill time, hoping it will solve your problem, it’s kind of like throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping that it sticks. You’re just trying to figure out what you like and what you want to do. But it’s a lot of time, energy and money, all for something that is just distracting you if you don’t actually know what you want. I’ve had several people come to me after shelling out thousands of dollars for things like PMP certifications or graduate degrees, only to learn the hard way that it actually wasn’t their passion and they still don’t know what they like or want to do, and then they come to me.

So they end up spending more money by taking the harder route and trying to figure it out on their own and trying to just guess. So really think twice before making this investment in your time and money. OK, number five, you take any job. Now this applies to internal promotions or transfers or those recruiters that pop into your LinkedIn offering you a way out. What I really want you to think about is how you can go toward what you want rather than run away from what you don’t.

It’s not fair to you, the company or your colleagues to jump into jobs you don’t actually want. This is like slapping a Band-Aid on the issue. You’ll have a brief period of time where you’ll feel good because you feel better. But it actually isn’t solving the problem. It’s like going back to school. You’re just looking for a way out and hoping that that makes you feel better. OK, so your action steps for today, remember these five mistakes you make when you don’t like your job.

Number one, you blame your company. Number two, you blame your family or partner. Number three, you stop caring. Number four, you go back to school. Number five, you take any job. When you’re at a place you can sit down and think about these, I want you to ask yourself if you are falling into these mistakes and be really honest with yourself. Ask yourself, how could it be true that you’re blaming others? How could it be true that you have stopped caring?

Are you scrolling LinkedIn and other resources, looking for the best certification or degree to move into? Looking what other people are doing and trying to just do what they did, thinking that’s going to get you where you want to be? Are you entertaining jobs that you don’t actually want? Then ask yourself what you do want instead and how can you stop doing this? Do you love the reasons for staying in your job? Can you come up with the ways that this is the best decision for you right now, even if it isn’t what you want in the long term?

If not, think about what you can do to figure out what you want. Life is short, and if you have feelings and thoughts that you are not in the right place and there is more for you and you don’t want to settle, then figure that out. If you’re ready to explore what your best career is and how to get there, but you aren’t sure where to start, I can help you. If you’re looking for something quick and at no cost, I have a quiz you can take on my website that is custom to your situation and will tell you in under three minutes if you are in the right career.

I even send you a guide to help you figure out what to do next when you take that quiz. And if you’re ready to dig deep on this one-on-one, which is the most efficient way to tackle this and to know for sure what your next step is and how to get happy at work, then I invite you to apply for coaching with me.

We start with a free call to make sure we’re a good fit. I get an idea of what you need and create a plan to help you get there. So you can head over to my website to take the quiz and to learn more about coaching at www.melissamlawrence.com There’ll be a link in the show notes. Either way, whatever you decide, decide to take some action. Get yourself unstuck. Decide to own your decision to stay or decide to take some action to figure out what your next move is.

You got this, you really do. You just need to be intentional and move forward. All right. That is all for this week’s episode. I will see you same time, same place next week. Have a great one. Coaching with me is the best way to guarantee you get happy at work and achieve your career and life goals. Getting started is easy. Head over to www.melissamlawrence.com to learn more and apply. It is the first step to get you from feeling stuck to knowing exactly what you want and have the tools to make it a reality.

I will be by your side the entire way.